it is such a beautiful night here on the east coast!! clear starry skies, fair weather, and a lunar eclipse. last time i was out the moon was deep brownish-red and looked like a fucking orb in the sky! much as a styrofoam ball suspended from a ceiling from string would look. it was surreal. still is surreal. i was outside just looking up and wondering what ancient women ages ago thought about things like this.
events like these often get me to thinking about just how tiny and insignificant we all are. don't get me wrong, i believe we ARE significant, just not as much as we like to think. the universe is incomprehensibly large! i'm always astounded by the knowledge that each and every star in the sky is another sun with planets or two stars (suns) orbiting one another. we know this. and all we can see with our naked eye is our galaxy; our own relatively small one. there are millions of galaxies beyond ours. just bizarre. and simply intriguing.
i think a lot about life energy - positive and negative. every living thing on our planet has this energy. energy to grow, maintain, and eventually expire. every living thing has cells to nourish at a molecular level and there are a very limited types of cells, each with a particular structure and function. biology is still very new, there is a TON we have yet to understand about the living things all around us on our planet. i don't understand human's need to feel any more profound than any other creature. we have this innate desire to control and use everything in our power to exert our power.
i've encountered death a lot recently. my mom's best friend of 40 years just passed away in November and an old roommate's father just died last week. naturally events like this get me to thinking. about a lot of stuff, but especially the connections we make in life and the good we do. most importantly the good we do for other people. i am poor as shit, but i give to others (mostly strangers) as much as i possibly can without concern over what they do with it. i can't imagine what it takes to make and hold a sign up, announcing to the world your position in society and how hard up you are. i must be humiliating. i've been a full time student and renting for 8 years now, but i am still so much more fortunate than others. i know i have my health. a steady income. a car. gas. a roof. a bed. food. cats. cat food. a loving family. i have so much more than so many others do. i'm very fortunate. loss laways makes me think about what we really consider to be important in our lives.
experiencing the death of a loved one also makes me think about our things. just all the crap we accumulate over the years. starting last year i've begun to purge a lot. i have the ability to move away anyhere relatively easily. i have experienced great freedom from this realization. i am connected and invested in very few things. one of my favorite quotes is, "happiness does not come from having much, but from being attached to little." it's so fucking true. we tend to bestow meanings upon our things and they end up bringing us a little happiness. temporarily. i think it's far more important to find meaning and invest our energy in people; relationships.
relationships. i can't stop thinking about the girl i saw last wednesday! it's an all too familiar feeling, though it's been a while - 4 years to be exact. i think i mentioned before that i connect with others deeply, quickly, and effortlessly. well, i may have finally met my match in that department. perhaps it's because we're both very emotionally connected individuals. it's also weird to note another feeling i've felt before; the fact that i feel like we've known one another for ages, even though we've only just met recently. a very real and deep connection on a variety of levels. i'll be writing to her yet this evening to tell her some stuff. i find it easier to get out my true feelings when i write. honesty just seemingly flows forth lol. i want to tell her there are no guarantees with me or in life. that we will certainly have an awesome time when we're together. i can tell already that we can have loads of fun and intimacy in bed. most importantly intimacy. that i think we will both learn a lot from one another. that we're both very much in transitions. it's a little disorientating to be honest. ahhhh girls... i have no idea where this journey is taking me, but i'm most definitely heading down the path to find out as that's how i roll.
PEACE and LOVE to ALL
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