so i posted this very open reflection as both an inquiry and a reply to others in a separate forum, but i feel it's also important to be seen here. i don't go into much detail of gender dysphoria, as i don't really experience it in my life, but could at a later time...because it's just as important.
** i hate categorizing any human attribute because by doing so only divides and conquers us all, but it's the way we process and come to an understanding of things. it feels essential to categorize traits, even though it highlights our differences - whatever they are and however minor they may be. gender norms are a social construction based around beliefs of how to act if you have a certain biological/chromosomal makeup. and our dichotomous gender typing is extremely restrictive since we have a wide range of said biological/chromosomal/hormonal makeups of individuals roaming the planet - not a nice "one or the other" kinda deal - and an even wider range in gender identities thrown in the mix. all said, it gets complicated, and not always easy to understand, but it shouldn't matter at all!!
@@ you are correct about gender and genital dysphoria; they may occur independently or together. i experience a bit of genital dysphoria or unease about appearances only. i do fully identify as female and i love being a woman, though as a young kid-early puberty i did feel like a boy trapped in a girl's body. i think it was my early realizations of same-sex attraction, my rejection of some gendered play, and my elementary comprehension of gender norms...a "girls don't fall in love with and marry other girls...they marry boys" line of thinking. who's to blame though? i surely never encountered even the term lesbian until around my early teens with the passage of DADT and a single brave out butch lesbian in public school who was openly and cruelly harassed because of her sexuality (i grew up going to parochial school just prior to both things). there were no openly queer characters in movies, tv, sports, music, etc. so it took me a while to grapple with my feelings, attractions, the reality of it all, and ultimately, my identity. i also was the only girl in my extended family and around the neighborhood so related early on with masculine traits and became just one of the boys. it's important to point out that a girl being a tomboy is way more accepted, and often encouraged, in our society than a boy investing great interest in things and activities deemed feminine - even though it's the same non-gender-conforming behavior. so me being boyish and hangin around guys was a-ok. sure i'd get called a boy and it pissed me the hell off as a youngin', but i think the boys felt challenged by me being as good or better at "boy" stuff and responded by teasing. ok moving on to the lady bits thang...and i've done a ton of reflection on the source of this and have narrowed it down to twoish main events. SO the first porn i was exposed to was through these male friends as a pre-teen. it was all print stuff showing naked women from the front. i'm pretty sure all of the pussies were pinkish, shaved bald and there were no inner labia/clit/spread lipped images...just an even lil closed-lipped slit, even if their legs were spread a bit. so naturally this being the only other naked vulva i had seen, i compared what i had goin on downtown to these images. what i felt was inconsistency and feelings of abnormality. i was never taught about the changes in shape, size, color, etc of my pussy anywhere and began to just stop looking at and avoiding it in general. i found it a little reassuring being with guys sexually as an older teenager. my cunt was never adored or goo-goo'd over, but at least they seemed to think it was normal (cued in by no complaints?) and i started to pay attention to her again - looking, touching, tasting, and exploring.
the only other things i can think of that brought those feelings of insecurity back were my first and second gfs. both had super tiny labia minora, small clits, and tight n neat lil slits. and both made comments about mine being different, not in an abhorrently negative manner or anything, but it only reaffirmed my feelings of abnormality that i had felt during puberty. i'm sure it could have been different if they had admired my cunt or pointed out our differences and the sheer beauty of the them. now i know it's absurd, but that shit really has affected me in a negative way! i know that i'm entirely anatomically and physiologically "normal" (my bits actually look quite like li's with a haircut) and i have become intimately familiar with (hehe) all shapes, sizes, and colors of labia/clits/etc since, but occasionally encounter these same feelings. exposure to other cunts in female/sex-positive porn has been healing. so has acknowledging and complimenting any lover's cunt on its intricacies and uniqueness, it's look, taste, feel - and it's always positive - not only because i really do love and appreciate it all, but also to maybe protect from or heal any genital dysphoria they may have experienced. i also told one of my exes how her comments had made me feel and she was incredibly sorry, but still thought it was silly. and maybe not so oddly, i've come to quite prefer girls with lady junk! it's not like i have any say in the matter, but it makes me feel more comfortable to be naked/seen/touched. so, yeaaah, that's my story.**
