Currently...

there's a lot going on in my life right now; finishing university, looking at career options all over this fucked up country and abroad, working, dating, and being slutty. and when i say slutty, i mean meeting incredible women and having immense fun. retarded fun, really, both in and out of the bedroom, though mostly in.
i've been extremely relationship prone in my adult life and this is the first time i've ever had the (amazing) opportunity to just date as a hot, young(ish), gay lady. since my breakup in june, i've dated and/or slept with over 10 girls, most of them often. my numbers of women are finally about to top the number of men i've been with, which just makes me want to barf. but mini-me was not the brightest at times so i forgive her. what would i be without all of my experiences? i surely wouldn't be me, i know this much. so, what have i gained through this (at least neck-deep) venture into poon lately?

1) connections i make to people are lasting.
i feel that the moments we share with others (no matter how seemingly insignificant) all happen for a reason and affect things down the line. whether this be an intimate relationship or smiling at a stranger on the street and saying hi. i'm big on doing such things like that, dishing out random compliments, and talking (sometimes at length) with random people. positivity is contagious! anyway, i've felt like we all bump into one another and leave our tiny to huge invisible mark on others and their lives. people tend to trust me quickly, easily, and deeply which i like, but can't often return. losing a connection is also painful. such as when one of my favorite girls began to date someone exclusively recently. i miss her and the time, laughs, and playtime we shared with one another. a lot. she was incredibly intimate all of the time. loved to touch and kiss. gentle soft stuff. she was beautiful. lesbian. had a perfect body. she was the perfect mix of femininity for me, yet had many endearing tomboyish qualities too. i found it comforting when i was with her, though exhausting because we rarely got more than 2 hours of sleep. she was the best kisser and masseuse i've been with. we just connected on a variety of levels, though consciously and openly kept it commitment free. dating her seriously would never have worked. we had our fun though (18 nights of it over 6 weeks) and i'm thrilled she has found someone and is in love.

2) i heart pussy.
pretty obvious here, but i really love love love it. everything about it. i love a woman in ecstasy and it has been a blessing to experience such intimate things with so many other women. i've known i was 'different' since about age four. i just knew things didn't mesh inside of me with every standard of heterosexuality. no prince charming for this little one - i wanted boobs! haha. i had crushes on lots of girls from the movies: jennifer grey (dirty dancing), jennifer beals (flashdance), christina ricci (casper, addams family), and many many others.  i never had a crush on a boy growing up. sure i pretended to fit in with my peers beginning in grade school. again, i knew i was different, and felt very alone in this respect. i felt odd and felt the need to hide the oddity from everyone. i had major crushes on some of my best friends which is extremely common for us queer folk. i didn't realize the stigma attached to what i feared i was until the passage of DADT in 1994. that is when i learned the word lesbian. lesbian. LESBIAN. then i was afraid and probably overcompensated for this by being absolutely irresponsible with guys and afterwards having a 3 year committed LTR with a boy in HS. Steve, my first real bf. After this came Bill for a year, then Mitch for 6 months. i lost my virginity at 14. it was the most disappointing thing. we walked home from junior high a mile or so away, smoked some cigarettes, got to my parents home, went straight to my room, made out for a bit and i gave him the green light. i was paranoid and made him wear 2 condoms. he put it in with relatively no discomfort on my end and immediately came. he said he loved me and i bought it. we saw one another for 6 months, until he cheated on me with a super slutty mcslutterson with purple hair and told me that i was more of a guy than he was (i swear and spit a lot). long story short, i always resented men for wanting me sexually. i made bfs feel guilty over it. it's terrible and i've broken more than one heart in my day. some of my best friends are men, we just get one another. i also get hit on by men all of the time and am flattered, until they say something like "why?" i like to spell it out for them. i say, "assuming you're an entirely heterosexual male (which i don't believe many men really are). hm? how would you feel sleeping with a man? oh, disgusted. really? well it is the exact same for me." sometimes they get it, sometimes they don't.

3) sex is powerful.
i had a feeling about this one prior to setting out on the poon trail, but it's surprised me. sex = power. sex has been a highly motivating force; i've written 8 page research papers in a few hours because the guarantee of pussy that night. the more i've gotten, the more i wanted more of it...like a drug. i can't say i've ever been hornier in my life. i want to fuck right now in fact. i'm always on. i like it, but it's fairly new to me. one of my partners (39 y/o) said i'm peaking early, but i have since met other equally unabashedly horny sexual women, younger than me even.

4) quantity over quality?
absolutely not! though i am still vary actively seeking partners, quality is key. i love waking up next to a woman. i love intimacy. i love kissing and touching the softness of women, the connections that only we can make to one another. simply put - women loving women. i've had partners who were detached emotionally from the whole situation and it was a huge turn off. bad energy manifesting in lack of interest in me (while boinking), bad kissing, shitty massages, and acting cold the following day. so there's been a handful of partners who i did not really dig, for various reasons. there have been more positive experiences though. beautiful, amazing, funny, sexual, confident, feminine women, young (21) to old (39), lesbian and bi-sexual.

5) fetishes are interesting.
understand that i have yet to meet this girl, in person. we text daily, sometimes for lengths of time. some of the most bizzare shit i've ever heard come from a woman has come from her. she likes panties. and bras. and shoes. skirts. really anything we've labeled as highly feminine. some risky porn (some illegal and repulsive to me). her own cunt. sticking objects onto her cunt. erotic photography of herself (i've received well over 300 pics of her), her cunt's secretions. other people's cunt's secretions and underwear. pee. being fucked like her lover hates her. hmm, i feel like i'm missing some. anyway the thing that is so novel to me is the fact that THINGS turn her on. like tangible objects. so to me, the person and their personality, attractiveness, smarts, and other things are what get me hot. sure clothes can be sexy as fuck, but it's always the person IN those clothes that turns me on...not the articles of clothing themselves. also new to me is the depth of her freely shared thoughts and desires. i don't know if i will ever meet her in person, as she seems to like to tease and i'm quickly getting fed up with it. she is an international business professional and travels all over for work on a weekly basis. she is smart. she is loaded. she is not terribly attractive, but far from a dog. she has the biggest ass i've ever seen on a white girl! all hips and ass, little A/B boobs. petite. uncommon proportions.
one day i was working and i got a text that said, "i was naughty." i asked what about, but had a vague idea. she told me to go outside and look on the side of the building, that there would be a white plastic grocery bag with something in it ("it looks like garbage" were her exact words), and to pick it up. i thought....weird, but ok. i went outside and did as she said and there was bag with her wet pink lace thong underwear in it that she had just taken off outside of my place of employment. crazy? perhaps. i know my limits and am fairly assertive so would be comfortable meeting her still, just not sure if she is serious about it all. my first fetishy girl is one i'll definitely remember. i've told a few friends about her and they all find it fucking hilarious. well, besides the big tease part. let's call her "fetishy sexter" from now on, shall we? because i'm sure she'll be giving me something to talk about in the near future.
i've grown attracted to menstruation, and some might see that as fringe, but i think it's hot. and messy. it's feminine and hormones are raging, idk.

6) monogamy for one and all?
probably not. well, not for a looooong time. i've often wanted more when i exclusively saw one person. especially sexually. the only thing i can do is be entirely upfront and honest about this to new potential long term partners (none as of yet). it takes a lot of trust in committed relationship to have this freedom and i honestly hope i one day find that. of course i understand that my sexuality and desires will change a bit in the future and i may not want this in a few years. we shall see.

7) bisexuals?
i'm still on the fence over this one. it's probably because i used to identify as bisexual when i had bfs, though only a few knew about it. i used this label as a transition for myself and my acceptance of my utter homosexuality. it was easier at the time i guess. this idea places bisexuals at a unique place in the pecking order of queerness. i know of many lesbians who marginalize bisexuals and hold very stereotypical beliefs about them. such as their inability to commit and their ability to not have to come out as queer folk. i still prefer lesbian women as partners, as we typically share more things in common, but am open to dating bisexual women too.

8) i like to party!
this one caught me off guard a little bit too. i'm drinking, smoking, and toking more than i ever have. i feel like i'm in this cyclone of transition in my life and am all about having fun. i was socially retarded for a while, as i was addicted to narcotics (pain meds, prescribed, abused rarely) for a period of time. for the first time in years, i am seeking, and thriving on, interaction with others. i have a few friends who are also somewhat recently single and this theme seems to be present in all over our lives to one degree or another.

though i know there's more, i can't think of anything else right now...it's late. real late. this week is finals week and sleep would probably be helpful.

so, that's the current me. or a big part of the current me at least. how's that for throwing yourself out there? i like to think and question why things are the way they are and why i do things...idk, i'm very introspective about life and the crazies it brings to many of us.

PEACE and LOVE to ALL :)