more upset talk (rapey is the word)

so something happened two weeks ago to a girl i don't even know, but it upset me tremendously. see, i have this buddy, a straight male (most of mine are), who seems to place his self worth and value entirely in sex. he loves his sex. and bragging about it. and pursuing it. i think he just may love sex for all the wrong reasons...but that's me and my perspective. it was bizarre to see it first-hand from start to finish as sort of a semi-aware and passive supporter of his behavior. i am no longer.

it was a saturday on the beach (where most of my friends live). there was LOTS of day drinking. quite a few folks have recently switched it up from beer to vodka, so things have gotten a little hazy and out of control at times. anyways, i came out there in the afternoon and went straight for the drinks and the ocean. i had known he was talking to 3 girls out there that weekend and actually planned (intent) on fucking all of them. 2:3 for the first time. he was kind of freaking out over it because this latina from upstate was coming into town to hang out for the weekend and he had banged a local chick the night before and wanted to see her too. the third gal was a 19 y/o co-worker of a friend who i'm sure just wanted to bang because she is 19. he's 34. ok, so the day is progressing, we're all having a blast on the beach and back at the house BBQing and such. latina and 19 y/o are partying it up along with a group of about 8-10 or so others. well, latina chickie hit the booze a little hard a little early and i put her to bed (3pm?) in a room that wasn't his. we continued to hang out with the addition of others on the block. he is a pill-popper, so got pretty messed up himself on top of the liquor. i don't know what all else anyone else took, but moods seemed pretty peaceful and happy overall. we all eat and continue to hang out on the porches and in the street. when i was inside i'd see him going into the room latina was resting (passed out) in and i had to tell him more than once to just let her be! that she'll get up when she's ready. so again, more drinking and such and i noticed that he was outside mackin on the young girls (all of them). after a while, i noticed that 19 y/o and him had disappeared, but her friends were still outside. i went inside the house to check up on him and his room door was closed. i knocked and was told it was cool to enter. i did and saw them both lying on his bed, smoking pot. she was way wasted at this point, so i hung out for a second. two others shortly joined me to see what was going on and also kinda just talked. this is when 19 y/o got up and stumbled into the kitchen. leaning on the counter, i could tell she was messed up. maybe just booze and pot, but also maybe something else (pills are all over that beach). so we all went outside for a bit, and i even apologized for breaking in on him with other people in tow. so we were all chillin outside and again i noticed the two of them had gone missing. i went upstairs again and his door was open with her in the bed. i stood in the doorway and started a stupid conversation about how delicious the chicken was or something and again she got up and left his room and went into the kitchen. something told me she was uncomfortable, so i stuck around for a minute again and made small talk. next he said, "hey 19 y/o's name, come here, i want to show you something." she followed him into his room again and that's when i left and returned to everyone else downstairs. after about 10 minutes, her 2 friends (also underage and drunk) went upstairs to see what she was up to and came out with her in tow after about 5 minutes. they came back down and i was like an eagle - alert and suddenly entirely sober. they sat on the back of a pick-up and i noticed that 19 y/o was visibly shaken up a little...or a lot. her posture said what she was probably unable to and spoke volumes to me; she was sitting hunched and angled off from her friends with her arms crossed, hands grasping her own shoulders, eyes blankly staring at the ground. i sat there watching covertly while playing the guitar a little. i made eye-contact with her friends and conveyed my non-verbal concern. they looked a little off too. he came downstairs and made some dick-head response to what 19 y/o said like, "that's not what you were saying 5 minutes ago!" and reached to take the guitar from me. she visibly recoiled a little more. a short while after that they made to leave. i sat, semi-paralyzed, with a crazy ass dialogue zooming around in my head. i had to get up and ask her if she was ok. it was the right thing to do. her friends seemed to ignore her behavior and body language. so as they were across the street by their car i approached 19 y/o and asked her if i could talk to her around the corner, alone. not really knowing much about me besides that i'm gay and the superficial drunk bs we talked all day, she said, "what?"kind of snotty. again, not wanting to embarrass her i told her i'd rather talk around the corner. she said right there was fine...so i straight up asked her, "i need to know this. did he force himself onto you or make you do something you didn't want to?" she looked stunned by the question and looked around and down and said, "yeah, sorta." i said, "you know, i'm just lookin out for y'all. i don't want to see any of you girls get hurt." the other girls stepped up and were now also concerned a little bit and we basically just got to having a conversation about how we're all like sisters and i'll always be watching for aholes trying to take advantage of them. they all said they appreciated it, hugged me, and that's when my buddy P came over to the group of us four girls and made a jackass out of himself. the conversation ended there and they left. i returned across the street, but i felt so insanely angry, yet relieved a little bit that my weird vibe was dead on. angry at him, at myself for letting it happen, for everything that i had just witnessed. he had disappeared by then, so i hung out with everyone else and kept to myself. my head was still spinning with rage, disgust, and hurt. my friend got home from work and i immediately EXPLODED in tears and told her everything i had just observed. i don't think anyone has ever seen me that upset before. i don't even know if i've seen myself that upset before... we walked down to the beach to talk and chill out.

so, i didn't know he was around until much later when we returned to the house to find latina gone from her resting spot and his door closed. again. again. we laid down in my friend's room, but i couldn't even close my eyes. my head was still spinning with the reality of it all. i finally got up and drove home around 5 am, but not before he came out for a smoke and asked me, "did that really happen?! holy shit." and some rant about how delicious she tasted because she's 19. and how he made her come 3 times (riiiiight...). i couldn't even look at him or say a word.

the whole way home i cried. for her. for me. for naiveté. for society. for very real pressures. for misunderstanding. for victimization. for honesty. for inequality. for women everywhere.

(my reactions, and interactions with him since, to come later.)